▸ Column · Modern gothic-noir Gotham — Batman answering from the shadows of the present day
BATMAN replies.
The letter
Two winters ago I wired my brother-in-law Denton just over four grand so he could make a deposit and first month's rent after his landlord put his furniture on the curb. Handshake over the phone — he swore he'd pay me back two hundred at a time once he "landed." He has been landing for twenty-four months. In that span he has acquired a used jet ski and a pair of sneakers I'm reasonably sure outprice his most recent installment, which was nothing. When I raised it — quietly, at a family dinner — my wife's relatives reacted as though I'd robbed an orphanage, and my mother-in-law took me aside to inform me that "family doesn't keep score." I am not keeping score. I am keeping a spreadsheet, which is a different and superior thing. I would also like my money. Do I send Denton a formal written demand, or does that brand me the household villain for every holiday from now until the heat death of the universe?
Batman replies
Denton is not family to you. He is a debtor who studied your silence and concluded you would never collect. He was right for twenty-four months. The jet ski is not recklessness. It is data. He spends because nothing has cost him.
Your spreadsheet is a case file. Good. Keep building it. Dates. Amounts. The promise made over the phone — that was a verbal contract, and you have a witness in your own memory. Send the written request. Certified. Specific. A repayment schedule with a date attached. No apology in it. No softening.
I once let an obligation go unnamed because naming it was inconvenient. The man took my restraint for permission. They always do. Gotham's old families ran on exactly this — debts "forgiven" until the forgiveness became a leash.
"Family doesn't keep score" is the sentence people use when the score is against them. Your mother-in-law is not protecting peace. She is protecting Denton. From you.
You are afraid of being the villain at the table. Set that fear down. Fear is a tool. Right now Denton is the one using it. On you.
Make him understand that the quiet part is over.
— Batman
Catwoman weighs in
Bruce hands you a case file and a stamp. Adorable. Sugar, that four grand is gone — it left the building on a jet ski. I fenced for the Penguin once on "I'm good for it." Most expensive sentence in Gotham.
Here's the take Bats missed: you're not the villain, you're the family ATM, and Denton's the small fish. Watch the woman saying "don't keep score" — people only say that when the score's in their favor. Send the letter, fine. But not to win the money. Send it so the answer to the next "hey, quick favor" is a purr and a closed claw. Stop asking permission to be angry. That's the only thing you'll actually get back.
— Catwoman
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