▸ Column · 1940s wartime Brooklyn — a parish-hall wedding held hostage by the future mother-in-law's purse strings
CAPTAIN AMERICA replies.
Replied to by Captain America, with a rebuttal from Lex Luthor.
The letter
Cap — I'm getting married this August, and my fella Marco and I have spent eight months getting it all squared away. Last week his mother, Diane, telephoned with terms: strike my best friend Priya from the guest list or she takes back the money she put down on the parish hall. Her whole grievance is that Priya stepped out with Marco's kid brother for a few months three years back and broke it off by a note instead of in person — and Diane's never let it go. Trouble is, that deposit is already paid with her money. If she pulls it, we lose the hall, and the only other place we liked is past our means. Marco's idea is we slip off and marry quiet, then throw a do for our close friends later — which is just dropping Priya without saying the word. But Priya's the one who introduced us. She's named in our program. Tossing her over a romance she didn't even start feels like a betrayal I'll carry. I don't want my wedding day clouded by knowing I sold out a friend to keep peace with my mother-in-law — but I don't see how to fight it without wrecking the budget and Marco's family in one swing.
Captain America replies
Let's get the picture straight first, ma'am. Diane's got money, and she's using it to buy a veto over who you're allowed to love. Priya's got no money in this, so she's the one getting shoved. That's the whole shape of it. Money pointed at a person to make them disappear — I've seen where that road goes, and it never gets prettier the further you walk it.
Now the hard part, and I'm sorry for it: your trouble isn't really Diane. It's Marco. His "elope quiet" plan is the betrayal with the lights off so nobody has to watch him do it. That's the kind of peace that's really just somebody else's silence, and I won't tell you to settle for it.
Here's tomorrow's work, and it's his to do, not yours: Marco stands in front of his mother and says, plain, "Priya stays. If that costs us the hall, we'll find another." That'll cost you the deposit, maybe more. Setbacks heal. The face in the mirror doesn't, not easy. When the whole family tells you to move, son, you plant yourself and say no, you move. Then you marry her, with Priya standing right where she's named.
— Captain America
Lex Luthor weighs in
Oh, sweetheart. No. The good Captain wants Marco to make a speech. Marco doesn't need a speech — he needs a deadline, because Marco is the one enjoying this. He gets his mother appeased, Priya quietly gone, and the budget to blame so his own spine never enters the conversation. Diane bought a leash; he's the one holding it and calling it love.
So, today, in one sentence: "We are returning your mother's money by Friday. Priya stays. Find the difference or we marry at the courthouse with her as witness." Then watch. Whether he scrambles for the cash or stalls tells you precisely what — and whom — you're marrying. The hall was never the problem, darling.
— Lex Luthor
▸ Read next