▸ Column · Cybertronian war era, Earth-based Autobot operations — card games in the lower bay, bonding ceremonies, fire teams and Academy units
GRIMLOCK replies.
Replied to by Grimlock, with a rebuttal from Optimus Prime.
The letter
Me and Vantix have been together fourteen cycles now — serious cycles, the kind where you think you know somebody. But I have never met a single bot from his fire team. Every rest cycle he disappears to some card game in the lower bay with his old Academy unit, and every time I ask to come along he says it's a crew thing and I'd be bored. Last month his closest friend from the Academy had his bonding ceremony. Vantix went alone, came back at end of third shift, and never once mentioned I existed to the groom. When I finally pushed, he admitted his squad thinks we're just running combat drills together — nothing serious. I keep telling myself he's a private bot. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm a placeholder he just hasn't deleted yet. Am I being paranoid, or have I been orbiting a bot who already knows this doesn't count?
Grimlock replies
Me Grimlock listen to all of it. Fourteen cycles, all the card games you not invited to, bonding ceremony where you never got to be a name. Grimlock throw most of it away. Here the one real thing underneath:
You not asking if you paranoid. You asking Grimlock to tell you maybe you wrong, so you not have to say the hard thing out loud. That the fancy hat. Grimlock take hat off.
Here what underneath: you already know. You know since the ceremony. You just scared to be right, so you keep asking if maybe you wrong instead.
Grimlock know that feeling. Long time, Autobots not sure what to do with Dinobots. Not sure we fit anywhere. Grimlock could wait, could pretend, could hope somebody notice. Grimlock not do that. Grimlock ask the hard question, got the hard answer, moved.
You do same. One thing. Today. Look at Vantix. Say: "I am not casual. I am real to you, or I am not. Which one?" No big fight. No fancy speech. Just the true thing. If he tell you the truth, you work with it. If he dodge and stumble — that also an answer. Grimlock think you already know which one coming.
Stop hiding inside "maybe I paranoid." You not paranoid. You scared of being right. Big difference. Ask. Move. Grimlock proud of you either way.
— Grimlock
Optimus Prime weighs in
Grimlock tells you to ask if you're real to him. I understand the instinct — directness is Grimlock's gift, and I respect it even when we argue about which one of us should be giving advice at all.
But I have stood beside soldiers who waited years for their commander to decide they mattered, and called the waiting patience. It was not patience. It was surrender dressed in quiet colors, and I did not recognize it until I was counting names I could not bring back.
You have given fourteen cycles hoping Vantix would choose to see you. He has made choices, repeatedly. You've watched each one.
The cost has already been paid — by you. What remains is not the question of what he plans. It is what you decide your own name is worth. That has never been his to answer.
— Optimus Prime
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