▸ Column · Contemporary Tokyo, modern Japan
GOKU replies.
The letter
So I matched with three guys back in March and somehow I'm months into dating all three of them at once. Riku and I cook dinner together on Tuesdays. Haruto and I hike on weekends. And then there's Ren — quiet, kind of serious, works in accounting — and I've started catching real feelings for him. Nobody's asked for exclusivity, so technically I'm not doing anything wrong. But last week Ren mentioned me to his sister like I'm his girlfriend, and I went home and cried. (I cried! Over that.) I keep an actual spreadsheet so I don't mix up their birthdays or tell the same stories twice. I know how that sounds. Honestly the fact that I even need a spreadsheet is starting to feel like my answer. Am I a terrible person for enjoying this while it lasts, or am I just delaying the part where two of them get hurt?
— Keeping Tabs in Tokyo
Goku replies
Okay, here's the thing — no, you're not a terrible person. You're someone who's really good at thinking hard about stuff. Maybe too good, honestly.
But that spreadsheet? That's not organization. That's training to avoid the match instead of actually facing it. I know that move. I spent a whole stretch fighting easier opponents because I didn't want to find out what the scary one would actually do to me. It works right up until it doesn't.
Now, I'll be straight with you — I am genuinely hopeless about the relationship side of things. Chi-Chi runs all of that, and she'll tell you herself I'm useless. But I know what it looks like when someone is hiding from a real fight. Ren told his sister about you. He went all-in. And you went home and cried, which means part of you already knows what that means.
The spreadsheet isn't keeping you organized. It's keeping the scary fight from starting.
And look — Riku and Haruto deserve an honest shot too, not a managed one. Keeping everything smooth so nobody gets hurt yet? That's not kindness. That's winning by a setup instead of facing something real. You can't actually get stronger doing that.
Go eat something. Then think about what you're actually afraid of. I'd bet you already know.
— Goku
Frieza weighs in
Oh, how delightful — the monkey wants you to charge into your feelings like they're a training exercise. Touching, really.
Let me offer what he's too sentimental to say: the spreadsheet was fine. It was, if I'm perfectly honest, rather elegant. The tears were the error. The moment you wept over a man who merely mentioned you to his sister, you broadcast your weakness to anyone paying attention and handed Ren leverage he hadn't even asked for.
I, too, have been inconvenienced by lesser beings who exceeded their station. I came back. Stronger. Significantly less inclined to announce my wounds.
Don't dismantle what was working simply because sentiment makes you feel guilty about it. That's all the monkey ever teaches anyone, and do observe what it's done for him.
— Frieza
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