▸ Column · Dragon Ball-style martial-arts Earth — sparring partners and morning practice, grief and clumsy condolences among fighters
GOKU replies.
The letter
My closest sparring partner, Reyna, lost her mother to a long illness three weeks ago. At the wake she finally told me the details, and I panicked and blurted out, "Well — at least she's not in pain anymore." I knew it was the wrong thing the instant it left my mouth. Her mom was only sixty-one and had been holding steady until the last couple of weeks. Reyna went quiet, slipped off to talk with a cousin, and we haven't really spoken since — even though we used to check in every single day after morning practice. I sent a long apology saying I'd been scared and didn't know what to say, and she just answered "it's fine" in a way that meant the opposite. I've been leaving food on her doorstep without knocking, because I don't want to crowd her. But I don't know whether to bring up the moment again, give her more room, or just keep quietly showing up until she's ready. How do I fix this without making it about me and my guilt?
Goku replies
Aw, buddy, I'm real sorry — for Reyna and for you. But here's the thing I keep noticing: leavin' the food and runnin' off before she opens the door? That's you dodging. I know that move 'cause I've made it. You're scared to stand in front of her, and that scared spot is the exact place you gotta train. Knock, pal. Knock and stay.
I've lost people. Krillin died right in front of me — best friend I ever had — and I learned the words almost never come out right. Reyna doesn't need perfect words. She needs to know you didn't disappear because one sentence came out clumsy. Quittin' on a friend over a fumble — THAT'S the only real loss here. The bad sentence? That's just where you slipped. You get back up tomorrow a little better at being there.
So go over. Say plain, "I said somethin' dumb 'cause I was scared, and I'm not goin' anywhere." Then mostly just sit. Bring food you can actually share — nobody grieves good on an empty stomach. Show up till she's ready. She'll come back swingin'. People do.
— Goku
Frieza weighs in
Oh, the monkey counsels knocking on doors. How stirring. Listen to me instead, dear: the doorstep cowardice is bad, but the second apology would be worse. Re-opening your little blunder only advertises the wound — begging forgiveness is how one forfeits it entirely. And do notice what your "guilt" actually is: your self-importance, wearing a costume of kindness. Her mother died, and somehow you've made the central tragedy your awkward sentence. How precious. Stop performing remorse. Be present, be useful, be utterly composed — and never mention it again. Let your steadiness say what your fumbling mouth could not. They always notice the calm ones.
— Frieza
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