▸ Column · Dragon Ball — Vegeta's settled-down adult years in suburban West City, the Saiyan prince answering a neighbor's yard-ornament feud
VEGETA replies.
The letter
I live on a quiet stretch of West City and this whole thing started back in spring, when my neighbor — call him Dale — staked a smug little ceramic goose by his hedge. On principle, having never owned a single ornament in my life, I answered with a four-foot resin flamingo in a sombrero. By the next holiday Dale had built an entire gnome barbecue, grill and all, so I panicked and bought a six-foot inflatable dinosaur clutching a flag, which my wife calls "a cry for help." Last week he installed a motion fountain that warbles a movie love song at every passing car, and I haven't slept since. I've got 340 zeni left in my fun account and I'm staring at a life-sized fiberglass horse online. I honestly can't tell anymore whether I'm trying to beat Dale or whether the two of us have built some kind of bond neither of us will ever say out loud.
Vegeta replies
Hmph. You buried the truth in your own last sentence and then pretended you couldn't read it. Pathetic — and I mean that with respect, because I have practiced the exact same cowardice for years.
There is a man I will not name. Low-class, grinning, infuriating. I told myself for a decade I trained only to crush him. The truth? Chasing him forged me, and he is the closest thing to an equal I have ever known. I would sooner eat my own gravity chamber than say that to his face. So I recognize you, fool. The rivalry IS the bond. Stop sniveling that you can't tell the difference — there isn't one.
But hear me, because pride is armor and also a coffin, and I have worn both. You aren't sleeping. You're emptying your account in a panic. That is not a warrior closing a gap — that is a man who has handed Dale his spine. Don't buy the horse because the fountain frightened you. That is surrender wearing a saddle.
The day it stops being your becoming and starts being his loss, you've already lost. Match him because it sharpens you. Never because you're afraid.
— Vegeta
Goku weighs in
Heh — Vegeta's circlin' it again. The bond's not a secret, buddy, just SAY it. You don't gotta out-spend Dale at two in the morning. Go knock on his door! Bring food — nobody thinks straight hungry. Tell him flat out: "This is the most fun I've had in years, wanna build the next one together?" Maybe you team up on one giant ridiculous thing and split the cost. A rivalry's only awesome if you're BOTH grinnin'. Keep the 340 zeni. Spend it on snacks for the guy. That's the real upgrade, pal.
— Goku
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